Month: August 2019

Happy Birthday To You..

Happy Birthday To You..

Happy Birthday Dear Myesha..

Happy Birthday To You!!

Lyrics can be so powerful and profound.

You know that “Happy Birthday” song we all have belted out at every birthday party celebration and at the end of the song, without fail, everyone sings… “and many more”… But life has taught me that “many more” is something we can never be sure of. Each and every birthday we have with our loved ones is a gift.“No more” is the saddest thought of all, and I suspect if you’re reading this you understand what I mean. Logically death means our loved ones never grow a year older, although logic does little to clear up our confusion when their birthday continues to happen year after year. Someone we love is gone, but we find that even in death their birthday still belongs to them; there’s no such thing as “no more,” as long as we’re here on earth to remember them.

There is a misconception among some that holding on to our loved ones keeps us stuck, but the truth is, continuing our relationships with people after they’ve died and learning to love them despite their physical absence is good and can be very therapeutic. This special day, your loved one’s birthday, for however many years they spent on earth, was set aside as a day for you to honor and celebrate them, and even though they aren’t here now, the day still belongs to them.

This day will forever belong to my oldest and first born Myesha. Today Myesha would have turned 23 years old. I laid in bed last night and tried to imagine what she would have done to celebrate if she was still here with us. I can only imagine a weekend spent at some club with all of her friends, dancing and singing until wee hours of the morning. A weekend filled with laughter and celebration. She used to always say, “It’s My Birthday!” I can hear her saying it as I write this and it just brings tears to my eyes because I just want to hear her say this again.

It’s days like these that are the hardest to get out of bed and try to function as a human being. It’s days like this I just want to scream out in anger at the doctor that failed my child. It’s days like this I just want to go back in time and snuggle with her one more time. To smell her hair and feel her soft skin against mine. The emotions are endless and spiral into a sad twisted mass of confusion, anger and sadness.

I miss her more and more each day. It never gets easier. There is never a release. I just learn to live with it. We all have had to learn to live without her. But today, August 31st will ALWAYS belong to that beautiful and spirited child of mine that 23 years ago changed my life for the better. I have always and will always continue to say that even if I had known that I would only have her in my life for 18 years, I would never change a thing, except the fact I would have probably recorded each and every moment so I would never forget a single day that she made my life so beautiful.

Myesha’s birthday is a day I will always treasure. It reminds me of such happy times that in my heart I will always hold so dear. Even though I feel sad, I am so very thankful for the memories that will stay with me forever. I will treasure those always until we are back together again……

Happy Birthday in Heaven my sweet baby girl. Mommy loves and misses you always!