Week 24

Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 24. So today is the first day of the New Year! 2015 was by no means a great year. In fact, it downright sucked!! Divorce. Death of a child. Failed realtionships. A year of self recollection and soul searching for my meaning in life. So 2016 will bring a year of learning to be more gentle with myself. This year I’m sure will bring another year of milestones on a long list of milestones, unknown to me at this point. While everything still feels so raw at times, the New Year brings with it a strong bittersweet sense of past and present. With 2016 now here, I have now officially crossed over to adding the phrase, “last year”,when discussing Myesha’s death. That is time’s cruel way of forcing you to keep going. Pushing you violently in the back through life when you don’t want to go or you’re just not ready. Somehow making it a static event in time. And, because time passes, and the years turn, I have no choice but to be expected to keep moving on. Like time would just be so gracious enough to stand still and let me escape deep into my thoughts and memories until I’m ready to move on. To somehow find a way to cross over and to choose life and meaning over death and tragedy. Time is a great healer, but it is also a thief – it dulls the pains and the memories in equal measure. There is grief in that too.
For my dear friends and family who have stood by me and supported me thus far, with everything from simple text messages, to late night phone calls, to times of just letting me be alone, although this is not my norm, but may in fact be a part of my “new normal”, I can not thank you enough. I realize that the death of Myesha has not only impacted my life, but the lives of those around me. In a weird way, I’m glad. Her death has cause us all to step back and reprioritize our lives. To refocus on what’s truly important to us, and to let go of things that otherwise are not. It’s times like these that you realize that we are truly all in this together.
When you have lost someone dear, you hold on to all that reminds you of them. You cling to it and so desperatly crave it. Like air to your lungs, you take it all in, in big deep breaths. Even in tragic death and devestating circumstances, the events of 2015 will hold precious, precious memories that I will cling to forever.
So I will go into 2016 and try harder to keep balance in my life. …”to focus on finding joy in the mundane and the profound—joy in the small things that make my children smile, joy in the moments of friendship that might otherwise pass by unnoticed, joy in the ability to appreciate the gift of life in a way I never did before.” To appreciate the little things in life and not take them for granted. To live each day. To be able to set attainable goals and stay focused. To find success by solving problems in a constructive manner. To find happiness and use my abilites to keep hope alive and never lose it.
Happy New Year to You All. Sending BIG HUGS to all!! Happy New Year in Heaven Myesha Reed Mommy loves you!! FIM <3 F