Week 29


Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 29. Those that have never had a child die speak the truth when they say, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”  There are no words that can fully express that gut-wrenching anguish and sorrow a parent feels searing through their mind, body and spirit when you watch your child die right before your eyes. There is no cookie-cutter approach or right way to learning to live without your child’s physical presence. No parent ever wants to cope with a child’s death, but in reality it happens every day around the world ~ children die.  You ask yourself “How am I ever going to go on?” My daughter’s death was the end of my life as I knew it. It was the end of my future as I wanted to live it.

 

Unfortunately, there is no way around grief – one must go through it in order for ‘healing’ or reconciliation and integration within your life to occur. We all want to believe that we can control our lives, and if we do not, then we have the irrational belief that we betrayed the standards that we set for ourselves and “let everybody down.” The sadness (depression) in this phase many times leaves the grieving person with the absolute thought that they “will never be happy again.” This is part of the intense feeling of being heartbroken.

 

But as difficult as it is to do, you do have the power to forge your own way of ‘healing’ in a healthier and more constructive way. When you start to care for yourself, grief finds its place and no longer takes over your life. Instead of that heartbreaking sense of loss hanging on for days, it only lasts for minutes, and you can go on to enjoy major events in my life. It’s really amazing when you get to this point, but it’s kind of hard to fully embrace it sometimes. I can now say that I myself have come back from emotional death. I’m not sure I’m there yet, but I’m closing in on it. Grieving fully brings your life back to you. That’s why you do it no matter how long it takes. Perhaps the one good thing that will come from this painful experience in my life is that I will be able to share with others some of what I’ve learned during the shock and grieving process of my loss.  Myesha’s death taught me this: The truly wonderful things in life are so simple that one is often not aware of their wonder until they are beyond reach. What is most important in life is all too often what we take for granted. Anyone who has lost a loved one knows this. Mommy loves you Myesha.