Week 32

Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 32. In the blink of an eye your whole life can be shattered. I now know that you never really “get over” grief, you just get better at living with it. No one can always see what you are going through because you put on a front and look so put together. So “Strong”, as they say. But the truth is you are missing a part of yourself, and no one can really see it once you put on your MAC lipstick and your Victoria Secret yoga pants, as you do your hair that day and make sure that your toes and fingernails match. But the truth is a part of you feels very hollow. Because you see, something beautiful happens when you entwine your life with someone else’s. If they go somewhere, even when you cannot follow, a part of you still leaves with them. Then the sadness you’re left with becomes all you have. You hold on to it… tightly. Sometimes you cherish it because it’s a constant reminder so you never forget the one you lost. But eventually the sadness will feed off of your love, your light, and it will consume your soul and you yourself will feel closer to death. You become numb. Because what is Grief really?? Grief is your love, turned inside out and upside down. That is why it is so deep. That’s why it hurts so much. Love knows no boundaries, and therefore the sadness seems endless. You become much more emotional. You may find yourself crying in public for the first time ever, or even feeling sad on days when it’s really not convenient. In return that makes you much more venerable. But it also makes you much more compassionate. I now know that while it’s important to be a good person, it won’t necessarily protect me from bad things. I can honestly say I’ve always been grateful for the things in my life. I really do have a good life. But what has changed is the depth to which I appreciate it all. I treasure the things in my life that I have left, because I now know how easy it is to lose it all. I also understand more clearly the concept of time and its constant need to rob me of the moments I want to hold on to the longest. I am also able to find myself loving unconditionally in those I have a close relationship with. The value of life has now taken on a whole new meaning. I have become the person I never would have thought possible to be, and in this way Myesha’s love lives on in me. FIM <3 F Mommy loves you Myesha!

 

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