Week 50

Forever in My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 50. When bad things happen to good people, often the “Why?” is not a question, but sometimes a cry of pain. As our world gets shaken up by grief, all of our relationships have now become impacted, and this has an effect on everyone involved in various relationships. You may not understand the reason and the injustice of it all makes you want to scream in frustration and pain. These are times when you just feel angry. Nothing makes sense anymore. You find yourself with the same thoughts running through your head repetitively, trying to make sense of all that has happened. Grief often provokes a sense of anger that is much warranted behind the fear. Even though anger is a natural emotional response and is not willed, anger does have some objectives. It is an attempt to undo an event which is untimely tragic and unjustifiable. This phase of anger is the most acute, the most intense and therefore, perhaps, the most frightening. You’re allowed to feel completely f-cked up. I get it. Losing a loved one, or even watching others around you lose a loved one, is a painful reminder that life is way too short. When you watch your child die right in front of you there are days when you wake up and hope and pray that it has all been a horrible nightmare. You lay in bed too afraid to move because if you do, you know that nauseating, empty feeling that haunts you will tell you that it’s real. If only you could just stay in your pretend world a few more moments where you can feel pure and sheer joy again — that place where your child is laughing and talking with you again. With grief though there is enormous opportunity to break yourself out of old patterns and come out with a new, stronger, more intimate connection in the relationships you have with others. To somehow figure out how to live “in” your brokenness and understand that life will not always go as you “planned”. In the end I do believe that Myesha would want nothing more than for all of us to be happy. Not the half smile, day-to-day getting by content happy, but truly happy. And when I least expect it, she finds ways to make me laugh and smile with those endearing memories and new experiences that life brings my way. Mommy love you Myesha. FIM<3F