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Week 27

Forever In My Heart FIMHF Week 27. Grief and Depression. Yep, I’m going there today.  That other nasty “D” word that no one likes to talk about.  Like it’s something you should be ashamed of, or you’re worried that you will be judged for or made to feel guilty about. Depression is nothing more than the realization of the true extent of the death or loss. There are different forms of depression. There’s functional depression where you can still manage to get up and go on with your day, and non-functional, where your thought process is cloudy and you have no desire to do the daily activities of life. Either way, the common signs of depression include trouble sleeping, poor appetite, fatigue, lack of energy, and crying spells. We may also have self-pity and feel lonely, isolated, empty, lost, and anxious. Let me tell you I cried for over 30 days straight.  I woke up crying.  I went to bed crying.  I would just break out and cry in the middle of the day just looking at Myesha’s pictures on the wall. One minute you may feel “fine”, only to slip back into deep grief the next. Grief is not linear. It takes multiple forms at different times. It is influenced, among other things, by the strength of our attachment to the lost loved one and how central he/she was to our lives. It never really ends. It ebbs after a while, but can then emerge on birthdays and anniversaries, holidays, in certain places, or triggered by something like a special song. Being a musical family that we are, songs are a real trigger for us. Grief is an automatic reaction, presumably guided by brain circuitry activated in response to a world suddenly, profoundly, and irrevocably altered by a loved one’s death. Sometimes, reminders of the loss are so painful that the bereaved person goes to great length to avoid these, and thoughts about the death are so intensely painful that it is difficult to reflect on it and make peace with the loss.

So now we move into what’s referred to as “Complicated Grief”. Sometimes people experience a more significant and longer-lasting level of grief. Complicated grief is somewhere between grief and depression. Symptoms of complicated grief include: difficulty thinking of anything other than your loved one’s death, lasting longing for your deceased loved one, difficulty accepting that your loved one is gone, long-lasting bitterness over the loss feeling as if your life no longer has meaning, difficulty trusting others, difficulty remembering positive memories of your loved one. Grieving that gets worse instead of better.

I personally experienced “Complicated Grief”. But who wouldn’t in my situation.  My daughter went in for a “routine” ankle surgery.  An ankle surgery that went all wrong and before we realized what was happening, she died less than 31 hours after going back to the hospital insisting something was severely wrong.  I watched my daughter on Friday, July 17th code 3 times in 45 minutes. I watched as a room full of doctors and nurses rushed in and hand bagged her breathing tube and shocked her with the paddles repeatedly.  Chest compressions.  Paddles.  Chest compressions. Paddles.  Her body violently jolting off the bed with every shock.  Bodily fluids shooting out her mouth and breathing tube.  I listened to her sister screaming and crying in fear for her sister’s life.  I fell to my knees and cried out to Jesus to not take my baby.  All I could do was yell “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”  Every time they got her back and I thought I could catch my breath, she would code again.  Those monitors.  The beeping.  The sound of the flat line.  The sound of it coming back. The sound of them losing her again. “WE’RE LOOSING HER!!!” The panic in the doctor’s voices.  My heart racing.  My child laying there lifeless. But they finally got her back.  Thank you Jesus for saving my child!!  Or so I thought.  Only to have the doctor tell me that after over 45 minutes with 74% oxygen rate that my child was now going to be brain dead if she survived this infection that so violently took over her body.  That I, her mother, the one who gave her life, now had to make a choice to continue doing whatever it would take to save her life if she coded again, or let her go.  You mean you want ME, her mother to make that choice!!  Are you kidding me!!  I have to make the choice whether to let my child die, or live.  Is this really happening??  Why me??  What did I do to deserve this??  Why was God punishing me??? I looked at Chloe, her sister.  Shock had taken over.  I couldn’t think.  Chloe starred back at me with as much disbelief.  She asked, “Mom, what are we going to do?”  I said, “Chloe I don’t know.  But I don’t want to let her go. I can’t live without her.”  Chloe looks over at her sister and turns to me and says with all of her 14 years of wisdom, “Mom.  Myesha would not want to live like this.  She would not want people to have to take care of her for the rest of her life.  That’s not what she would want.”  I looked at Myesha.  I looked at Chloe.  At that moment I felt as if I was standing outside of my own body and watching everything transpire as if I was in some type of horrible movie.  But I knew Chloe was right.  At that point I knew the decision had to be made and it was time to start making phone calls for people to come and say their goodbyes as quickly as possible.  I’m so thankful my baby girl stayed strong long enough, 11 hours to be exact, for her friends and family to say goodbye and for me to hold her in my arms, and for ME to tell them to turn the machines off, instead of her coding again.

Complicated Grief. You bet I have it!!

So then there comes a point when grief takes over your life and you begin to feel hopeless, helpless, and worthless and it’s okay to seek help. Individual counseling, group therapy, whatever it takes, do it!! My family and I were introduced to Kidzcope and it made a huge impact on our lives.  But it’s also important to find other health promoting behaviors such as exercise, sunlight, good nutrition, although these may become feasible only after the darkest periods begin to lift. But there also comes a point where it’s okay to reach out to your family doctor and ask for antidepressant medications and depression-focused medications. They reduce symptoms, enhance functioning, and improve well-being. While there isn’t a pill that will get rid of your grief, there are medications available that can assist with symptoms of the grief process. For some, prescribed medication to deal with these symptoms clears the way and helps individuals to deal with the emotional and mental aspects of loss. Most of the time this is just temporary.  It’s okay.  There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Medication doesn’t turn you into a “zombie”. It simply helps you function on a daily basis while you are going through the grief process.

I chose this topic today because I have had the chance to talk to a number of people recently who have reached out to me with my blogs and I feel touching on the topic will be a huge help. Like other forms of love, grief can be an avenue for personal change and growth. It’s not going to happen overnight.  It may take years. However, losing a loved one doesn’t mean your life is over, but it does mean things will be different. Seeking help and support can help you feel better. With time, you can find healing that will help you move forward with life while also celebrating your loved one’s memory. (((HUGS))) today to all who have experienced grief.  Mommy love you Myesha. FIM<3F

 

 

 

 

 

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Week 26

Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 26 Loss is the involuntary separation from something we have possessed and perhaps even treasured, or someone we love and care about. Everyone experiences a loss at some point in their lives – whether it is major or minor. Loss is universal. Everyone is born, ages and dies – it’s the “natural order” of things. Right?!?! That’s what we are taught. Right?!?! Well, I’m going to call it nothing short then what it is….BULLSHIT!! The “natural order” concept is nothing short of false teachings and brutal lies. We have been taught to associate death with old age, but death occurs throughout the life span. It can happen at ANY age. So why do we not teach our children this?  Why do we give them false hopes that we as their parents will live to very old?  That we will never leave them as children when they need us most in life.  Why? Because we as adults have been taught that the natural order is for parents to precede their children in death. Lies!  All lies!! So with those lies that have been embedded into our minds comes a false since of the types of grief that comes with death. Grief is as unique as the person who experiences it, just as your fingerprints are unique to you. Losing a parent, love, child or friend is all different. You can’t compare your loss to others’ loss. Its apples and oranges. You feel a loss how you feel it, not how someone else feels it. There is no right or wrong way to feel after you experience a loss.

Just 9 days after Myesha’s 16th birthday her father, at the age of 44, died suddenly of a massive heart attack.  I will never forget the way my child laid across his body in the hospital crying out, screaming, and begging him not to leave her.  It was so gut wrenching that there was not a dry eye in the room.  The nurses had tears streaming down their faces and at that point and I was in utter shock. My heart ached just hearing my child in a way that I had never heard her before.  When it came time to turn off the life support I made her leave the room.  She was forever changed.  When he died he took a part of my daughter with him that day that I would never get back.  Our lives were forever changed.

Less than 2 years later I would be brutally forced to be in the same place Myesha was, and feeling the same wave of emotions she felt, as I laid in a hospital bed with her in my arms begging her not to leave me the same way she begged her father. Life support was nothing short but a brief chance to feel her warm skin against mine for just a few minutes longer until the inevitable time approached and I had to tell them to turn the same exact machines off….. When she died, she took a part of me with her that day too.  Once again, lives were forever changed.

When a parent dies, we lose the chance to show them the people we become as we get older. We lose the ability to learn the wisdom their age and experience brings. Opportunities to make them proud are over. When your child dies not only has the death violated “natural order” of things, where the young grow up and replace the old, but your personal identity was tied to your child, and a part of that now dies too. A parent’s love for a child is perhaps the strongest of all human bonds. You must now readapt to a new and seemingly illogical reality that even though you are older and have been the protector and provider, you have survived while your child has not. Then the reality kicks in that you will never watch your child move forward in life. For me that meant no college graduation, no wedding, no grandbabies.

Grief and loss is different for everyone based upon not only the age in which the person died, but also your relationship that you had with them. So if the factors involving death are different, then each person’s reactions in dealing with death should be nothing short of unique. An important part of healing is discovering the role your loved one will play in your life after their death. To restore your capacity to love you must grieve. You can’t heal unless you openly express your grief. Denying your grief will only make it become more confusing and overwhelming. Embrace your grief and heal. Expressing emotion is how the body and mind process and relieve the pressure of intense or overwhelming emotions. In the end, you will never be the same, but you will begin to accept the death of your loved one, cherish deeply the memories you had with them, and find a way to continue to live. FIM <3 F Mommy loves you Myesha and I’m glad you have your Daddy with you in Heaven!

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Week 25

Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 25. So I was talking a couple different people about my Friday blogs recently. I have to say I was a little shocked to even hear from a few people that they struggled to read them or even chose not to read them. So let me start from there. In the beginning I didn’t know where this 52 week journey would take me.  All I knew is that I had to find a way to overcome the hatred of this day that took the life of my child. I had to find a way to personally overcome and rationalize my own feelings that made no sense in my current state of utter dissolution.  What I have since learned in my journey thus far is how often grief is frowned upon or simply ignored, often like trying to openly educate our children about sex.  But why? Am I not NORMAL??  Is MY grief not NORMAL??  Why is it not okay to be in touch with our emotions and feeling and educate ourselves with how to cope with these emotions so we can be more productive human beings?  Is it possibly because these emotions are so raw that most don’t know how to deal openly with them, or simply chose not to?  That it makes one feel uncomfortable?  Think about it – it makes total sense. Whether the loss was sudden or you were able to anticipate it, as soon as you found out that someone you love was dead or dying you began grieving. If ever a rationale for temporary insanity was needed, one could certainly be found among the range of reactions and emotions associated with grief and loss – shock, numbness, sadness, despair, loneliness, isolation, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, irritability, anger, increased or decreased appetite, fatigue or sleeplessness, guilt, regret, depression, anxiety, crying, headaches, weakness, aches, pains, yearning, worry, frustration, detachment, isolation, questioning faith – to name a few. Understandably, many will find it hard to acclimate to these emotions.  Some may simply chose not to accept them as they are.

To simply describe it, one minute you’re walking along like normal and the next minute you feel like something unexplainable has invaded your body and your actions and reactions have become totally unpredictable and confusing. This is when you really start to feel crazy (you’re not). Friends don’t know what to say to you anymore. You’re confused about your purpose. Everything you knew about life has changed. You’re worried you are alienating people by talking about your loved one and the death. (At least I know I do. Myesha this, Myesha that.). You’re questioning your faith and life’s meaning. The experience of grief challenges our deepest sense of who we are. In the beginning you feel totally out of sorts – you feel like lashing out at everyone, crying over everything, wearing the same clothes for a week, INSANE. The first few weeks are foggy. You wake up each morning thinking maybe it was all a bad dream and you stumble through the day trying to make sense of life without your loved one. Just when you start to get a grip you are forced to step back into your pre-grief life. Like you are just supposed to pick up and move on like nothing happened. It seems absurd that the world would keep moving in the face of your tragedy, but it has. Life is forever changed and things feel meaningless, gray, and empty. You feel as if no one could ever possibly understand what you are feeling.

In search of something familiar you look to your primary support system, your family and friends, but they seem changed as well; some avoid you, some dote on you, some are grieving in ways you don’t understand, and some are critical of the way you are handling things. Everyone is searching for the “new normal”. But will there ever really be that “new normal”?

Grief looks different on everyone because we all experience grief in our own way, but on some level we all struggle to understand ourselves and the world around us in the face of profound loss. But the one thing I have learned is that you should not try to tolerate all of your sadness at once. Your body, mind, and spirit need time to work together to embrace the depth of your loss. I now realize it could take years before I will fully be confronted with the depth of my sorrow. The slow-growing nature of this awareness is good. I hope that my Friday blogs touch those who have been impacted by such grief in a way to let them know that all the emotions that they have kept bottled up for so long are not just your own.  You are not the only one who feels this way.  You are NORMAL and it’s okay to have these emotions.  You are not crazy. As for me, I will continue to be patient with myself.  For I am growing too.  I can chose to either turn away from my own grief in denial or turn towards my inner feelings with compassionate, attention and a willingness to allow what I am feeling to be just that…..NORMAL. FIM <3F Mommy Love You Myesha!

 

 

 

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Week 24

Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 24. So today is the first day of the New Year! 2015 was by no means a great year. In fact, it downright sucked!! Divorce. Death of a child. Failed realtionships. A year of self recollection and soul searching for my meaning in life. So 2016 will bring a year of learning to be more gentle with myself. This year I’m sure will bring another year of milestones on a long list of milestones, unknown to me at this point. While everything still feels so raw at times, the New Year brings with it a strong bittersweet sense of past and present. With 2016 now here, I have now officially crossed over to adding the phrase, “last year”,when discussing Myesha’s death. That is time’s cruel way of forcing you to keep going. Pushing you violently in the back through life when you don’t want to go or you’re just not ready. Somehow making it a static event in time. And, because time passes, and the years turn, I have no choice but to be expected to keep moving on. Like time would just be so gracious enough to stand still and let me escape deep into my thoughts and memories until I’m ready to move on. To somehow find a way to cross over and to choose life and meaning over death and tragedy. Time is a great healer, but it is also a thief – it dulls the pains and the memories in equal measure. There is grief in that too.
For my dear friends and family who have stood by me and supported me thus far, with everything from simple text messages, to late night phone calls, to times of just letting me be alone, although this is not my norm, but may in fact be a part of my “new normal”, I can not thank you enough. I realize that the death of Myesha has not only impacted my life, but the lives of those around me. In a weird way, I’m glad. Her death has cause us all to step back and reprioritize our lives. To refocus on what’s truly important to us, and to let go of things that otherwise are not. It’s times like these that you realize that we are truly all in this together.
When you have lost someone dear, you hold on to all that reminds you of them. You cling to it and so desperatly crave it. Like air to your lungs, you take it all in, in big deep breaths. Even in tragic death and devestating circumstances, the events of 2015 will hold precious, precious memories that I will cling to forever.
So I will go into 2016 and try harder to keep balance in my life. …”to focus on finding joy in the mundane and the profound—joy in the small things that make my children smile, joy in the moments of friendship that might otherwise pass by unnoticed, joy in the ability to appreciate the gift of life in a way I never did before.” To appreciate the little things in life and not take them for granted. To live each day. To be able to set attainable goals and stay focused. To find success by solving problems in a constructive manner. To find happiness and use my abilites to keep hope alive and never lose it.
Happy New Year to You All. Sending BIG HUGS to all!! Happy New Year in Heaven Myesha Reed Mommy loves you!! FIM <3 F

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Week 23

Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 23. (So I’m blogging a day early so I can enjoy Christmas tomorrow with my mom, Chloe and Corban.) I have so quickly learned that grief has a nasty way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. It can ruin even the most joyful moments. Like when you go to the donut shop and usually buy everyone 2 donuts so you always have to buy the dozen box because that’s “8” donuts you have to buy. But now you only have to get the half-dozen because you only need “6” now. Yep, that happened to me yesterday. I had to fight back the tears. Then wrapping presents, fight back the tears. Then wrapping the “Christmas Eve Pajama box”, (drumroll for our big tradition), now feeling my chest tighten, my breath quicken, still holding back tears. Then I’m sitting in church last night and Paster Mark is preaching about our eternal goal is to just “GET HOME”. H-O-M-E. It made me think hard. You know they say “Home is where the heart is.” Well that eternal home is where a huge piece of mine is right now. It’s an ache that perpetually aches in my body. In my soul. Down deep into my bones it does.
We bought a candle last night at Yankee Candle called “Angel Wings” to burn for the next 2 days in Myesha’s honor. I bought an extra 1 to burn next to my bed in the evenings. Hell, if I was thinking I should have bought the whole shelf because now I have anxiety that I will grow custom to that smell, think of her, and not be able to buy that candle anymore. So is my life. I accept that I am a bereaved mom.
I stayed up until 3am this morning and made this montage. I watched it more times then I will even be able to count. Then it happened. I cried. Not just “shed a few tears like I always do” cry. I cried harder than I have in a long, long time. Ugly cry. The kind that makes you gasp for air and then start that horrible gagging because it has now taken over your body and your need to expel it out. Yep that kind. The kind that hurts so bad your throat burns and you feel like you’ll never catch your breath again. (I am so thankful at 2am my cousin Dawn Hill answered her phone and didn’t mind me ugly crying for an hour with her.)
All I can ask myself over and over again is “WHY ME???” “WHY MY CHILD???” This is not the life I ask for. This is not the fairytale ending we all want for our kids. Living without your child is painfully hard. It also brings with it a painful since of loneliness. You see because no matter “how good” life is. I can’t help to wonder how much better life would be with her here again right now.
What I can say is I am a better person for knowing her, loving her, and missing her. I love deeper. I love stronger. During the holidays, or any day for that matter, I am still eternally grateful that I was chosen to be her mother. Merry Christmas in heaven Myesha Reed. Mommy loves you so much. FIM <3 F

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Week 22

Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 22. 17 years…sigh. For 17 short years, I had the great joy of being Myesha’s mother and looking forward to the joy of Christmas morning with this sweet little girl. I was reflecting on the late nights of preparing Christmas cookies and milk for Santa. The parental stress of trying to get her to go to sleep so I could pull out the presents that were stashed and hidden, wrap them if they weren’t already, and place them under the tree. Oh my gosh…THE BATTERIES!! HOW DO I ALWAYS FORGET BATTERIES!! Last minute run to Walgreen’s to buy batteries. Then the panic sets in. Did I forget anything else?? As I rush home to finish my Motherly/Santa tasks.
Some years it took most of the night, and it seemed no sooner I had closed my eyes, exhausted, I was awakened by sequels of anticipatory joy, “SANTA CAME MOMMY, SANTA CAME!!!” Back out of bed I go, lol. Sleep deprived and exhausted, yet the smile on her face and twinkle in her eye always made it worth it each and every year!! While I will miss the sound of her voice next Friday on Christmas morning, her spirit will be surely be alive in our home. Mommy loves you Myesha Reed! FIM <3 F I WILL BE THERE Mom, tomorrow I will be there Though you may not see I'll smile and remember The last Christmas, with you and me Don't be sad mom I'm never far away Your heart has hidden sight My memory will always stay I watched as you touched the ornaments Sometimes a tear was shed as you did I touched you gently on your shoulder And on tiptoes I proudly stood I'm only gone for a little while mom I'm waiting for the day to be When God calls out your name mom We'll be together, just you wait and see But until that time comes Carry on as you did when I was there I tell the angels how much I love you There are angels here everywhere! I stand behind you some days When I know that you are sad I want you to be happy mom It would make my heart so glad So on this Christmas Eve, Mom Think of me as I will be thinking of you And touch that special ornament That I once made for you I love you mom I know you know I do And I'll be waiting here for you When your earthly life is through Love, Your child in Heaven Myesha Reed

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Week 21

Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 21. Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try it at all? Or has a fear of failure meant that, subconsciously, you undermined your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure? I’m sure we can all answer “yes” to this at some point in our lives. But at some point we all have to overcome our fears of failure and at least try. Both of my girls are blessed with the gift of song. Each one has a style all of their own, but stage fright always holds them back from exploring and pursuing their talent to achieve greatness. At the end of the day, it’s not about being the best. It’s not about taking 1st place. It’s about overcoming your fear of failure and at least trying. When it’s all said and done, it never matters to me if anybody else thinks they are “The Best” or not. They will always be #1 to me. It takes a lot of inner strength to get up on a stage, by yourself, in front of an audience and sing. Myesha finally overcame her fears in middle school and made the final competition in her High School talent contest 2 different years. I had forgot about this moment until her Godmother, Bobbi Jo Dixon, reminded me of it a few weeks ago and luckily still had it saved from when her and Sharon Coupland went that night to support her. Be still my heart. <3 I remember Myesha trying to decide what song to sing for this showcase. She loved “Pink”!! Hell, we all love “Pink”!! In fact, this was the CD I found in her CD player after she died. She said this song in particular reminded her of her dad in so many ways so she wanted to sing a song that meant something to her. Good girl!! It was a last minute song change literally 2 days before. She practiced and practiced in the living room in front of me and her sister. She was so nervous that she would forget the words or screw up. I told her it didn’t matter. That she was talented enough that even if she did, she could always just make the song her own and wing it. She did just that and pulled it off. I was soo proud of her that night and I still am today!!! She didn’t win with the judges. But she of course won 1st place with me!! Why??? Not because I’m her mother and that’s my job, lol. Because she tried. She overcame her fears. That’s what it’s all about!! Don’t ever let anyone tell you you can’t do something, or you’re not good enough. That is their own self-doubt. I believe if you put your mind to it, you can achieve whatever you put your mind to!! So today I challenge each and everyone of you to do something that scares you. Do something you never thought you can do! Prove everyone wrong, but most importantly, prove it to yourself that you can!!! Chloe was selected for a solo part in her Christmas performance next Thursday! I can tell you already, that she will be the best singer on the stage!!! In the words of "Pink", "That last kiss, I'll cherish, until we meet again...my darling...WHO KNEW..." Mommy loves you Myesha Reed and Chloe Wiley, my beautiful ROCKSTAR singers! FIM <3 F

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Week 20

Forevery In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 20. So here we are. The month of December. The Christmas season is upon us. The kids and I managed to go out and get our real Christmas tree Wednesday night. The kids picked it out and Corban was such a “little man” helping carry the tree and tie it to the top of the van. It was surreal. We did it without “her”. He was oblivious to the emotions Chloe and I were feeling. But we got it home and got it set up. Now will come the time this weekend to pull out the bins that are individually marked with each child’s name that are full of all the ornaments that the kids collected and made over the years. Of course will come the the point where we will have to look and that bin marked “MYESHA” and figure out what to do next…
You see for a bereaved parent, this time of year most likely will not be the season of Yuletide-cheer it once was. The anxiety of the looming holidays will be downright debilitating. I’m quite sure surviving it at points will feel virtually impossible. This is now our new holiday reality. For now anyways.
I expect there will be times that it will be excruciatingly difficult, and might feel more like torture, unlike the average person who has the bubbly feelings of ‘Happy Holidays!!!’ All I have to do at this point is survive. Only I get to decide how best to do that. It will be my new job. No one else’s to figure out. I have come to accept that my heart is the one that is broken beyond repair.
Keyword: SURVIVE
A wise person once told me, “Being able to hold space for contradictory emotions at the same time is a sign of extraordinary emotional maturity. It’s true. You’re not crazy– even though you may feel like it– you’re extraordinary.”
Grief is unpredictable, exhausting, confusing and messy. No one, no one, no one, had the relationship I did with my daughter. No one will feel the exact same piercing agony, pain and longing I do for her. No one will ever imagine how much I cry, and I cry ALOT. How much I cry out, begging her to come home. Come back to me…..
Tis the season. Reflect on your past. Embrace the present. Look to the future. Have you righted your wrongs??? Do you feel good about who you are right now and the direction your life is taking you? Words for thought today.
If I only had more time…Mommy loves you Myesha Reed. FIM <3 F

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Week 19

Forever In My Heart Friday. FIMHF. Week 19. So it finally happened. Our first holiday without my daughter. I dreaded this day for some time. I had a lot of time to think about what it would be like without her. I feel like there are so many memories that were waiting to be made that are gone now. A lifetime of memories that could have been made that have been taken by death. But as the day came and went, it was truly a beautiful day. The kids and I, and my family, truly enjoyed ourselves, and I could feel her presence all around us! It is now that I reflect that SHE is what I am thankful for. It’s not that I will ever forget that, but sometimes it is hard to think clearly through all the pain and tears in my heart. Because even though my heart is broken, it is also full of love. Our bond will always be at the top of my list of things to be thankful for. I am thankful for being her mother, and having her as my daughter. I will always reflect on the good times that we had in our lives. Overall, SHE made my life better and she made ME better. Her life may have been short, but we have wonderful memories together. These are memories that death will not steal away from any of us. Memories that I still have captured on camera and video and so many more that I can only hold in my mind and heart. All of which I will never forget. Since the holidays continue to approach, I encourage each and everyone of you to make your own memories and make them special, and make them count. Capture as many as possible on camera and video and take the time to slow down with your busy schedule and capture each moment and embrace them as they come. All too often life moves too fast we take the little things for granted and we miss them. As parents we always dread the fact that our children may pass before us and we always push the thought to the back of our minds that their death will never happen to us. But the fact and reality is, it can. I implore all of my fellow friends and family to take the time to enjoy these holidays with your children, and with your loved ones, and just take a second to just slow down, sit down, and just watch and enjoy these moments because such are the moments that you will be able to capture in your heart and cherish for the rest of your lives! I hope each and everyone of you had a beautiful Thanksgiving as we did! Mommy loves you Myesha Reed FIM <3 F

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FIMHF Blogs

Week 17

Forever In My Heart Friday. 17 weeks. On this date today Myesha officially passed her Driver’s Ed course and got her driver’s license. I will never forget when I picked her up from the class she got in the van and was crying. I was instantly fearful that she had failed the course and my heart sank into my stomach. I asked her what was wrong and how she did. She could not respond because she was soo full of emotion. I finally pulled over to calm her down and make her talk to me. She told me she passed. Whew! But she was sad because her dad was not alive to share this moment with her. I will never forget that moment. I will also never forget the moments to come with her as a young driver. We would have so much fun on the road. I would often make fun of her driving and pretend that I was on a roller coaster ride and throw my hands up in the air and yell “Weeee” when we would drive around, lol. It was not uncommon to find us with the windows down, the sunroof open, the music as loud as possible, and our voices singing just as loud as we could driving down the street. Man….did we love to sing! Not only that, we sounded sooo good together! Throw in her sister Chloe Wiley and it was a concert in full effect!! We never cared that people stared at us. In fact, it would just make us laugh and sing even louder! I’m sure that all of Myesha’s friends, whoever had the opportunity and great privilege of riding in the Lexus, could attest to the great fun she would give them in those times riding around in her car! I would love to hear about these moments if you would share those in the comments below it would bring the biggest smile to my face today! Whether it’s the name of a song, or a funny dance that she did, please share it with me! Today I share with you a Vine video that one of her best friends Whitley Spratlen made on one of those hillarious and silly days that brings such joy today! Just hearing her voice makes my heart full! Mommy Loves You Myesha Reed!
FIM <3 F