Happy Birthday To You.
Happy Birthday To You.
Happy Heavenly Birthday Myesha
Happy Birthday To You!!
Myesha would have turned 25 today! 25! That just seems crazy to think about sometimes that I am the mother of a 25-year-old. Damn, I’m getting old…ha.
She always said, “It’s My Birthday”! But the way she said it was like no other! It was like a toddler who sings their sentences is really the only way I can describe it. We all got this from our cousin Dawn, who just always has this special way of “singing” it. We all do it now and I can hear Myesha saying it as I write this. It brings tears to my eyes because I long to hear her say it today.
I have come to the point this year where I find it hard to try and set up special events for friends and family to honor her and her day. It’s not that I don’t want to. But it’s just hard. Hard in an unexplainable way. So to those who have reached out, I just ask for your understanding.
This year for the first time since Myesha died, I have nothing planned except an intimate dinner with Chloe and Corban. A certain part of me feels a level of guiltiness. Then another part of me feels a sense of relief. My children asked me the other day, “How long will we keep celebrating Myesha’s birthday?” It was at that very moment, I realized that as much as they have adjusted to our new life without their sister, they too are feeling the same emotions I am. So to minimize all the gut-wrenching emotions that every single holiday brings without Myesha with us, keeping things simple seems like the best thing for us right now. As our grief changes, this too may change, but this year just feels different in an unexplainable way.
The loss of a child is like walking in a maze with no outlet. As parents we find ourselves looking for answers and ways to stop the pain. Ways to cope. Ways to not feel sad. To feel “normal” again. To enjoy the happy days and then not feel guilty for that happiness. It’s never-ending. Grief is very personal and the journey is full of emotional learning as we carefully maneuver through a new sense of normal.
But I can assure you that in my experience, the death of a child is the single worst pain a parent can ever go through. When we lose a child, we are not just losing the child we loved with all our heart, but we are also losing the years of promise we looked forward to. The unwritten script has flipped. I personally feel the older the child is, the harder it is. There are definite markers on the age at which we lose our child that complicates the grief. The age is important because it speaks to the future we as parents no longer get to experience. When a young child or young adult dies, the future of their lives dies with them. The graduations, the grandbabies, the marriages — that’s all lost, too. We spend years nurturing them into adults, aspiring them for greatness. The reward comes as they mature into adults and all the hard work, guidance, and nurturing start reaping the rewards.
Myesha was truly blessed to have had so many amazing influencers in her life. The ones I am the most grateful for as a single mother is my mother, her grandma Clara, my dearest and closest friends, and her God-parent’s Sharon and Bobbi Jo. They were always there for Myesha, and me, in our time of need. I will always be grateful for all they did for her. Sometimes a Mother’s love is just not enough. It truly does take a village when raising children. So to be surrounded by those who step up and instill the same vision and goals are priceless. Today I want to say “Thank You” from the bottom of my heart for being there for Myesha in her 18 years of life and continuing to be there for Chloe, Corban, and myself.
There is a misconception among some that holding on to our grief of our children after they have passed keeps us stuck. But the truth is, continuing to honor, love, and recognize them despite their physical absence is good. Your child’s birthday, no matter how many years they spent on earth, was set aside as a day to honor and celebrate them, even though they aren’t here now. August 31st still, and always will, belong to Myesha. My agonizing pain of missing her on this day will always be magnified, but I refuse to let Myesha’s birthday be met with dread instead of celebration.
So with all that being said, I am asking all of Myesha’s friends, my friends, our family, and anyone who was lucky enough to know Myesha, to help us celebrate by bringing Myesha a present today. The best present you can ever give someone is a PRESENT OF PRESENCE. So, please take a few moments out of your day today to share with us, in a comment below, a memory of Myesha that brings joy to your heart. A memory that makes you laugh in true Myesha style. Because I’ll tell you what, Myesha had the most UNFORGETTABLE LAUGH EVER! She had the kind of laugh, that if you knew her, you could be in a crowd of people and know instantly that that it was Myesha laughing. It was the kind of laugh that instantly made you chuckle or laugh without even knowing what the hell you were laughing about. Yes, “Myesha’s Laugh” should be found in the dictionary under the word, “INFECTIOUS”!
Mommy misses you so much Myesha! Our lives will never be the same without you! You impacted so many people in so many ways. I know today you are shedding just as many tears as I am because you can’t be with us today and you always hated to see me sad! But I know in my heart of hearts that we will be together again someday. I look forward to holding you in my arms someday in Heaven and never letting you go…ever again!
Forever In My Heart!
Mommy Loves You Myesha! Happy 25th Birthday!